now as you all know from previous posts, I am very quick to criticize myself for past problems....I constantly kick myself for repeating mistakes, I constantly expect and strive for perfection, and I constantly fail....
gee, imagine that
but when I saw the above quote as posted by Kayde Puckett on her facebook page it did make me stop for a second and take some personal inventory....some of what I'll go over is a repeat from previous blog posts but eh, I know a lot of people only read the new stuff so let's recap like any good soap opera ;)
where did I used to be? well:
- chunky child constantly teased
- chunkier pre-teen constantly teased to the point that middle school is a total blackout in my mind
- fat teen who ballooned upwards of 200lbs at a whoping 5'2"...not teased too much but def was not asked out of even given a 2nd glance
- college: lost weight, still chunky but not as bad as before, fell in love with working out but didn't truly understand this whole nutrition thing; first encounters with bulimia
- transferred, still working out, still not sure of this nutrition thing, discover fat burners (omg good times!), still battling the bulimia, but rediscovering this love of the look of muscle on women-not like that you pervs ;)
- move back to the hometown (ugh), discover bodybuilding forums, meet the worst mistake of my life who in turn introduces me to one of the few highlights of my adult life
- 2008- lose my shit mentally and almost lose my mom
- 2009- blur of bulimia, alcohol, mistake after mistake, various substance abuses
- 2010- same as 09, then an unwanted contact from that greatest mistake BUT silverlining was going back to school over the summer
- 2011- trying a different approach-stopped drinking, no smoking; still have the eating/body issue; still battling some hormonally related issues (which is difficult with no insurance); tried and am in love with yoga; am finally figuring out there is WAY more to life than being at outback for fucking ever
where have you been? my journey is clearly not over, still ongoing, and will be until I draw my last breath....I'm not perfect nor can I be...this is something I still have difficulty dealing with....but it's getting better....
2 comments:
Good. Post. Keeps things in perspective. Congrats on changing your life for the better. Keep pushing forward.
It's funny how life goes, and how our perceptions of it can vary dramatically, even when no facts change.
I have recently had my eyes (forcefully!) opened to many failures in my life which I was denying and hiding from myself. It is sobering to contemplate, and think we run the risk of thinking about our failures too much. It's like when you get a cut inside your mouth, and even though it hurts, you cannot keep yourself from running your tongue over it, again and again.
I thank God that we are more than the summation of our past failed attempts!
(I have just recently quit alcohol, too, a little over a month ago.)
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