GYMDIVA'S BLOG!

worst...article...ever

2011-11-03T17:16:00.000-04:00

ok, so that may be a bit extreme...but this article on what the title leads you to believe is about the Arnold Classic's (AC) strongman competitions is really a random stringing together of paragraphs about divisions within the AC that were clearly not properly researched ahead of time...why Yahoo published this is beyond me...even if I had not had a previous knowledge of what the AC is and all it has to offer I would have read this as a poorly constructed article with lack of focus....and if I'm saying something has a lack of focus then it must be true! ;)

now before I start to tear this apart piece by piece I will make two comments: 1) I am not a journalist nor do I claim to be one...but having knowledge of this wonderfully awesome annual event I have to defend it....2) I do not know the author...could be a great person....probably is! but when you put yourself out there with such an ill written and poorly researched article on a mainstream media product like Yahoo, well, you have to expect some backlash....

below is the article in its entirety:

http://sports.yahoo.com/top/news?slug=ycn-10351211

In the past, strongman and bodybuilding was limited to the world of freak shows and other traveling circus vaudeville performances. No longer inclusive only of men, this sport is considered weird due to the limited number of people with the genetics to do it. There is also the fact that these athletes have the ability to make these strange feats look easy. While these performers no longer need to join a team of other oddities to make an income, strange stunts of strength are still prevalent in today's modern strongest person competitions.

Mustering the biggest stones

The World's Strongest Man competitions are a trademarked franchise event from England held each year between New Year's Day and Christmas. During the history of this event, Iceland has had the most champions followed by the United States. In what appears to be a normal contest to see who the strongman finalist is, the events that participants must win are more than a bit unusual. Some of the weird events you can expect to see include fridge and car carrying, truck and airplane pulling, and holding the Husafell Stone.

Naturally, the Husafell Stone has an odd story behind it. Weighing in at 418 pounds, it was designed 200 years ago by a pastor in Iceland. At the time, this reverend was using it to keep his sheep gate secured, it soon became a test of seeing how strong someone was. In the meantime, replicas of the Husafell stone have been cast in order for contestants to practice carrying it.

World's strongest oldest woman

Obviously, the World's Strongest Man is just for men, The Arnold Classic has several competitions for female bodybuilders. However, one out-of-place reality enshrined in this contest is the story of Ernestine Shepherd. According to the Guinness Book of World Records, she is the world's oldest female bodybuilder and a proud Musclemania performer. In addition to working out, she also has her own fitness-based blog radio broadcast.

Who will be the next Terminator?

He may have a strange relationship with voters in California but Arnold Schwartznegger is still loyal to his bodybuilder roots. Each year, the Columbus, Ohio Arnold Sports Expo (Arnold Classic) is one of the premier victories for many sports that do not usually have a large check associated with them. For example, skateboarding and dancesport athletes often do not have enough sponsorship to live year-round without taking a part-time job.

Over the past years, weird strongman sports have been added to the Arnold Classic such as arm wrestling and bodybuilders in bikinis. Plus, the strongman side of this competition has two other events that make it a head-turner. Namely, the manhood stones attempt and the circus dumbbell lift make audience members laugh.

Sports strong sailors play
In the 1980's bodybuilder Sylvester Stallone spotted Mr. T on the weird sports NBC show Games People Play. During the show, Mr. T won the America's Toughest Bouncer competition where he broke down a door, ran around bar stools, and tossed a 120 pound man. Sadly, this weird bodybuilding contest is no longer held. Instead, if you want to visit a strange strongman event, consider the test of strength contests in Poland.
Along with traditional events found at bodybuilding competitions, this Polish event includes anchor lifting and anchor chain pulling. While there is not an exact weight recorded for these items, pictures show that a seven foot iron anchor is speculated to be in the 400 to 1,000 pound range.
Want to be the strongest you can be? Along with lifting weights and attempting weird bodybuilding sports, consider showing off your athletic muscle at the Senior Olympics or a local adult amateur sporting competition.
Note: This article was written by a Yahoo! contributor. Sign up here to start publishing your own sports content.

So where do I begin....

"No longer inclusive only of men, this sport is considered weird due to the limited number of people with the genetics to do it. There is also the fact that these athletes have the ability to make these strange feats look easy. While these performers no longer need to join a team of other oddities to make an income, strange stunts of strength are still prevalent in today's modern strongest person competitions."

--> the first two sentences alone would then make every sport televised "weird" b/c the athletes make it look easy-but what did that have to do with it no longer being inclusive of just men?

--> strange stunts of strength are in a strong person competition? you don't say!

--> held b/w New Year's Eve and Christmas? so only December 26th-30th are exempt from dates to have the event?

--> the Met-Rx Strongman event is typically held in various countries and can easily be seen on one of the various ESPN networks-did it originate from England? don't know and neither does the author!

--> so the first paragraph lists it as weird and once a part of the circus, this paragraph starts out calling it normal....well which is it? oh don't worry, it becomes weird again with mentions of car and fridge carrying

--> no disputes on the origin of the Husafell but why mention the evolution of it if you're not going to give examples of it during the actual competitions? a mere mention of it being used for practice and no longer for keeping sheep in a pin isn't exactly cutting it

World's strongest oldest woman

--> um, what? the first sentence I'm pretty sure is not even correct grammar...did anyone at Yahoo proofread this?

--> World's Strongest Man just for men-thank you Cpt Obvious-did you bother to research to also know there have been World's Strongest Woman events as well? hmmm

--> ok, please, someone, explain to me why Shepherd is even mentioned? first of all, strongman and bodybuilding competitions are two COMPLETELY different entities...so this mention does not even make sense....and I like how she's randomly brought up but not actually discussed...no age mentioned, no plug for the blog radio broadcast (whatever the hell that is)...you as the reader are expected to click on the link in the article to read all that for yourself

--> btw, Musclemania is neither the AC nor World's Strongest Man

Who will be the next Terminator?

--> ok, the example of dancers & skateboarders being some who benefit from the AC b/c of the "larger than normal" check for their events is partly correct partly incorrect...newsflash: strength sports athletes and bodybuilders have daytime jobs, too...very VERY few can make a living off the sport alone

--> um, I've been to the AC four times now and I don't remember strongmen competitions to include bodybuilders in bikinis...I believe you're referring to women...in bodybuilding....see previous critiques for what's wrong with this mention

--> makes audiences laugh? are you referring to the joe blows who are invited by REAL strongmen at a supplements booth to attempt a feat of strength in hopes of winning a year's supply of protein powder? that's not a part of an actual competition...that's called a gimmick to get you to the table to see their products

--> this paragraph is just simply terrible with no direction, no research, and no common sense-and just exactly what did ANY of that have to do with Arnold himself?

--> oh and you don't win the Arnold Expo....that is a collection of booths for companies to get their name out there, push their shwag, and allow you an opportunity to meet stars within the sports featured at the AC

--> oh, and manhood stones? and these are what exactly?

Sports strong sailors play

In the 1980's bodybuilder Sylvester Stallone spotted Mr. T on the weird sports NBC show Games People Play. During the show, Mr. T won the America's Toughest Bouncer competition where he broke down a door, ran around bar stools, and tossed a 120 pound man. Sadly, this weird bodybuilding contest is no longer held. Instead, if you want to visit a strange strongman event, consider the test of strength contests in Poland.

Along with traditional events found at bodybuilding competitions, this Polish event includes anchor lifting and anchor chain pulling. While there is not an exact weight recorded for these items, pictures show that a seven foot iron anchor is speculated to be in the 400 to 1,000 pound range.

Want to be the strongest you can be? Along with lifting weights and attempting weird bodybuilding sports, consider showing off your athletic muscle at the Senior Olympics or a local adult amateur sporting competition.

--> again, why is everything weird to this author? did they not have a thesaurus available for other words? unique? unusual? not the normal?

--> there are still bouncer contests, just not on a major network....and apparently the author is "sad" you can't see them anymore...even though it's deemed weird...oh but check out the strength contests in Poland...what contests? the random mention of Poland from 2nd paragraph? oh no wait, that was Iceland...oh you mean the ones held there each year...oh no wait, you said that was England...anyone? Bueller?

--> ok wait, so we're still talking about an unnamed Polish event when the anchor is brought up? does this event have a name? and speculated weight? um, I'm pretty sure you can look up the actual event (if we even knew what it was) and could see how much said anchor weighs...these athletes do have to practice and hone their craft so I'm guessing they're not randomly practicing with an anchor 400lbs or maybe 1000lbs

--> ok, the last sentence is probably the strangest (hey look, another word for weird!) of the whole article...want to be the strongest you can be? WORKOUT! no need to go participate in "weird bodybuilding sports"...and Senior Olympics???? where the hell did this come from? was that an attempt to tie Shepherd back into the article? my guess is that that was not even a thought...just another random mention in an article full of them

I honestly do not even posses the words in my vernacular to properly assess this article...I am very shocked that Yahoo would even allow such tripe to be published....maybe they figured no one would read it? the person in charge of these decisions didn't know anything of any of the sports mentioned to know that this article was laced with inaccuracies? which, even as I type that, I feel would be a total copout b/c just on a writing level this is a horrible article....

Writing is not easy...for some it comes easier than for others...but even if you are fortunate enough to find writing as an easier endeavor than say, physics, you may still have issues from time to time with inspiration, topics, etc....but NO writer (or anyone claiming to be one) would put something like this article out there for all to see, to rip apart, and to ridicule...even brief research on wikipedia alone would have given this author a better article to present to the world...

to compete or not to compete....REDONE!!!!

2011-09-06T23:39:00.000-04:00

yes, an article I wrote up a few years ago as a simple how-to guide for anyone considering to enter the world of competing is back....since writing that article two new categories have been added and the one piece round in figure and fitness have been dropped....so like the sport itself the article needed to grow, too....here it is for you to enjoy in it's newest incarnation:

Whether it be bodybuilding, figure, fitness, bikini, or the new women’s physique, you need to take a good, hard look at your inner self as well as the current state of your physique before you begin any prep for this typically 16 week long endeavor.

#1: Who am I competing for?

If the answer to this question is not “me,” then I highly advise you leave the idea of competing behind for now. You should not compete because a significant other or family member thinks you should do it, or because someone in the gym or a friend told you you should. Competing is a very personal decision and it should be something that you look at and say, "I want to do this to challenge myself and see what I'm capable of accomplishing.” If you look at a competition as something you do for someone else, then I say don't even go through the hard work because you won't enjoy it, plain and simple.

#2: Do I have Support?

Competing is a very selfish endeavor. When in prep your world must revolve around you and often times family members and significant others feel neglected and ignored. Gone are the days of sitting around the TV eating popcorn, chips, and candy. Sunday dinners with the family? Forget about it, unless you bring your chicken breast and broccoli to the gathering. If you have kids, prep can be especially challenging with all the snacks and “kid meals” you need to prepare in addition to your own. If your loved ones don't understand what you're going through there will be resistance, tension, guilt, and sometimes anger to deal with that only intensifies as your contest date draws closer. Also be prepared for the kind of people I call “the sabotagers.” There’s always a coworker, family member, or friend who will wave pizza or candy in your face to try and make you break down and eat the food. Some people may do this just to make you laugh and relax. Others are simply jealous of your willpower and resolve and want to see you be human and crack. Don’t! Hold strong and stand your ground. Does this mean you shouldn’t follow through with a show? Absolutely not. But it is a reality many competitors are not prepared for so be ready to deal with possible friction. And who knows, you may actually be pleasantly surprised at the support you receive.

#3: What category should I enter?

If the first and second questions have been answered and you feel like you're ready to go forward then the next decision to be made is what category to enter. Do you go into fitness? Figure? Bikini? Bodybuilding? Try the newer women’s physique? Open? Novice? Masters? Many questions to answer but all pertinent ones. Do your homework and look into restrictions on categories like age, height, etc, then sit down and really think about your physique and what you have to work with. Are you more of an X shape or a Y shape? Thicker or skinnier? Do research on what is required for the category you've chosen. For example, if you chose fitness, be sure you have your bases covered with the fitness routine: time limit, mandatory moves, proper music, etc. Bodybuilding and now women’s physique have mandatory poses that will be done during pre-judging that need to be practiced daily, and figure, fitness, and bikini require that you walk on stage in heels with mandatory turns and a certain walk. You may think practicing in heels is silly but come competition day you can easily point out who feels comfortable in them and who does not!

#4: When should I compete?

Ok, you have a category (or possibly categories if you're allowed to enter more than one at your chosen show) picked out. Now you need a date. Check out your local NPC website for a list of competition dates to see what's feasible. Be sure to give yourself enough time to diet and never be scared to pick a date in say, January, for a show in November. More time is always a good thing. It's better to be ahead in prep than to be behind and try to crash diet and cardio your way to the end. That method will always show up in your final results and you never want to sacrifice your hard earned physique in order to meet a deadline.

#5: Who should do my prep?

This is possibly the most difficult and most important question to answer. Do your homework. Ask other competitors whose looks you like about their coaches. Visit websites of some of your favorite athletes to see if they do prep for other competitors. Even if you don't see any contest prep information on their site, don't be afraid to email them and ask. Always go with your gut when choosing your prep trainer. If you don’t get a good vibe from someone, thank them for their time and move on. This is your body, your time, your effort, and your money. And if you think you can handle doing your own prep then do it! It’s a rough undertaking but can certainly be done. Just remember that having someone at the very least look at you through your prep is a great idea. I equate it to someone proofreading a paper. An extra set of fresh eyes is always a good idea.

Also consider hiring someone for posing coaching. If you are fortunate enough to have your trainer be there for you in person then they can help you along with the proper posing techniques. If you are utilizing an online trainer then look for someone local who is an experienced competitor to guide you. Also look for possible camps hosted by experienced competitors/coaches. Why put in all the hard work of obtaining a great physique if you don’t also show it off properly once you hit the stage? Competitors can tell you that there was many a time when they saw a great physique ruined by improper posing.

#6: What should I wear?

You have your date set, your prep coach selected, and your category chosen. You are mentally prepared and you have your support in place. So, what do you wear? Like posing, suits can literally make or break a competitor. The wrong cut or the wrong color can all have a profound affect on the look of your physique. Bodybuilders will want to go with a plain, solid colored two piece for pre-judging and then a fully decorated two piece for the night show. Figure, fitness, and women’s physique will need to go with a fully decorated two piece suit. Fitness will also need an outfit for their routine round that is eye catching, easy to move in, and fitting to their theme. Bikini competitors need a cute two piece suit that flatters their curves (but no thongs!). Figure, fitness, and bikini will also need heels. My personal suggestion (one passed along to me from an IFBB pro) are plain, four inch clear heels. I would avoid straps unless you feel uncomfortable without them. Anything flashy can take away from your look because remember that the judges are right at your feet and you do not want to draw their attention away from all your hard work. AVOID PLATFORMS!!! Judges are typically not fond of “stripper heels.”

#7: How will I fund this?

Paired with who will do your prep this question could be the most important to answer before going forward. This is often a big hurdle for those who have limited funds. This is not a cheap sport to compete in, but deciding on a budget from the start helps. Learning ways to skirt costs helps tremendously, so check out sites like ebay, check with fellow competitors, or consignment sites like Diva Exchange for used and new suits. While a pre-made suit may not be the absolute perfect fit, odds are it will be a good one. If you're not comfortable with that idea then shop around for someone to make your suit(s). Again, don't be afraid to ask around to other competitors and don't forget that you can also get plain suits and decorate them yourself with crystals. Sometimes this is cheaper than having someone do it for you. Another idea to cut competition costs is to put some feelers out there for sponsorship. Check locally with tanning salons and supplement stores. Check online for contests. Even if all a company can do is contribute a tub of protein it's something and every little bit will count. Food and supplementation are big expenses to consider. Chicken breasts, eggs, vitamins, and protein powder add up! You also have to budget for your prep coach unless you're lucky enough to have a friend do it or you feel confident enough to do it yourself. Don't forget other important expenses like makeup, tanning supplies, bikini bite, entry fees, NPC card fees, and travel expenses. There are always ways to make the journey more affordable including, but never limited to, finding roommates for shows that require hotel stays, seeing if the hotel offers a special rate for competitors, carpooling, asking a skilled friend for help on hair and makeup, etc.

While this seems like a daunting list, in the end it is a very doable one. If it weren’t then men and women would not be entering shows every year. Competing is a serious commitment mentally, physically, and financially. Many don't realize how tough it really is until they take on their first prep. If it were easy, everyone would be doing it. But it has by far been one of the most rewarding tasks I’ve ever taken on and completed. Just like all things in life, if it is wanted badly enough then the correct sacrifices will be made to make it happen. Listen to those who have gone before you. Often their advice is more valuable than anything you will receive during your prep. And who knows, maybe one day you, too, will find yourself sitting down at a computer to write your own advice article to help out future competitors.

GYMDIVA'S BLOG!: ATL trip, part 1....

2011-08-20T02:47:00.000-04:00

GYMDIVA'S BLOG!: ATL trip, part 1....: so on Monday, I took what was my first real vacation in four years....it was short and sweet but EXACTLY what I needed! let's detail from be...

ATL trip, part 1....

2011-08-20T02:28:00.004-04:00

so on Monday, I took what was my first real vacation in four years....it was short and sweet but EXACTLY what I needed! let's detail from beginning to end, shall we? :)

we'll start with Friday before I even left....I received an email back about an inquiry I had made on ATL's craigslist about some tickets for Monday night's game between the Giants and the Braves....someone had beaten me to the punch, however, this woman had not heard back from the other interested party....we discussed it and I said I could use paypal right that second and she could overnight them and we'd be good to go! She gave him a little more time, didn't hear from him, and let me know they were mine! WOOHOO! So I send her the money and she sent them immediately via USPS....oh, did I mention the tickets were HERE in NC???? yes, that's right....I found tickets on ATL's craigslist for an at home Braves game vs my Giants....from a woman in NC....where I am....

Only me ladies and gentlemen....

so Monday morning I get up and head to ATL....directions were funny....I-40w to I-85s....take I-85s to GA....how freakin' easy is that! I only had one merge to I-285 and then just one turn off for my friends' complex where I got to stay (more on that later)....so for this poor child in dire need of a gps you could not have asked for better directions!

George was ready to roll!

So I hit the road....no real adventure there...which was a good thing b/c that meant no traffic, no running out of gas, flat tires, or any other car issues....and unlike six years ago when I last drove down to ATL I didn't sneeze the entire trip! so fastforward to getting there....I made pretty decent time....got there, met my "roommates" (see pic below), and finally got to meet Shereen and Corey....I have e-known them for a little while so to actually make it down to GA and meet them was pretty freakin awesome....they were SO VERY KIND as to open their home up to me and allow me to crash with them....

I got there and immediately the dynamics of being married began to unfold before me....hahahahaha....they started to go back and forth about whether the MARTA would be better to take in or chancing traffic was best....so within 15min of me being there we decided to head to the ballpark....sweet! I'm down for leaving early :)

my roomies!

we get into the truck and start to head towards the stadium....we decided to chance the traffic and drive all the way in....guess what? good call! giving that it was a Monday and that we hit the road just before the 5 o'clock mess started we were able to get to parking before most and we even got great parking advice....let me pass it along to you: park near the entrance you came into and walk a little further-that way you're right there at the exit as opposed to being in the back when everyone starts to file out....brilliant! why I've never thought about that for all the events I've attended I do not know but trust me when I say it WILL be implemented the next time I go to see something!

we arrived!

now, I know Shereen and Corey probably thought I had lost my damn mind but at this point I was starting to feel like a 5yr old on Christmas morning....and it would get worse....we're walking towards the stadium, we cross the street, we walk into the gates (not the pearly ones), and this lil cutie greets us saying welcome, have a great time, etc....then I hear as I pass by, go blue devils.....um, I'm sorry WHAT?!? see, I was wearing my I <3 UNC shirt so he got a little shot in on me....I turned around and just pointed my finger at him and said, oooooo no no no no....he just laughed and poor Shereen, she had no idea what just happened....hahahaha....Corey and I were explaining the rivalry to her....he was also talking about her needing to attend a UGA/GT football game, what tailgating was, etc....at this point I won't lie, I wasn't listening to either of them anymore....I was too focused on getting to the field!

we get through the little checkpoint and I see that yes, we were indeed early enough to see batting practice....and it was SF Giants batting practice!!!! fucking sweeeeeeeeeeeet! IMMEDIATE scan of the field like I was a freakin terminator or something looking for the Beard....where is that beard....I mean come on, you could see that thing from space for freaks sake! where is it?????? oh hey look, there's Sergio Romo, Brandon Belt, Tim Lincecum, wow! but I'm not seeing the beard....ok, fear not....he could be in the training room or whatever....in the meantime, OMG I'm in a major league baseball park!!!!!!!!!!!!

SF GIANTS batting practice

I start to see some of the hits coming all the way back and I panic a little bit....seeeee, I don't have the best depth perception (which was why I stopped playing outfield and started pitching-oddly enough that was a better spot for me) so I would see the ball coming towards the outfield and I'd go, oh god oh god, is it going to make it? is it right for me? oh........it didn't even make it to the wall....opps

I take the time to walk around....get better looks at the Giants from all sides of the field....and to see if I spot anyone else....I mean no one in particular....ok yeah, even in font I can't lie....we all know who I was there to see....ok, he's not out here right now....let's tour the stadium....I walk around, enjoy looking at all the people, surprised at just how many Giants fans I saw walking around, have a woohoo to someone who said Go Heels, buy some Chic-Fila waffle fries, and go find my actual seats....it's still early so it's just me sitting by myself (friends went to go grab dinner before the game)....so I'm sitting there going, wow! if he comes out for a save he'll be RIGHT FREAKIN THERE! I mean, check out the below pic! I was pretty much giddy!

oh and did I mention I downed a sugar free red bull before entering the ballpark? yeah that probably wasn't helping the giddy thing :)

yep, my seats-freakin' sweeeeeet

now, all in all I was actually surprised at the size of the stadium....it felt small to me! I was not expecting that...now part of that could have been b/c it was maybe only 1/3 full....no lie....I know it was Monday but this was a big series for them, Giants are reigning World Series champs, it's a rematch from the playoffs last year, etc....but hey, it worked out since it meant less traffic and people to fight through while walking around....

so we're getting close, my friends join me, and the dugout starts to fill up....we're sitting on the side of the Braves so I can't see in it but I am opposite the away dugout....we know that that means :D now, I did not have binoculars...I had meant to buy some before leaving NC and I totally forgot....but remember what I said: that beard can be seen from outer space...so not only did I see that beard, but I recognized him by booty....oh you read me! I know that cute butt of his anywhere! it's a long tradition passed on to me from my mom ;) so in the pic below I give you my first beard sighting:

you don't even want to know my thoughts....

now, I won't lie, I did that whole speaking as I inhaled thing while saying, ooooohhhhhmmyyyygooodddd....FINALLY! I thought, if I drove down here and he's not with the team I'll be pissed off! but there he was in all his hairy glory....ew, wait, that sounded terrible....anyways, let's just get to the game....they do the national anthem (where I got a shot of him w/o the hat on-yeah I was really paying attention) and then the pitchers head to the bullpen....that's when I discovered my camera had a super zoom feature on it and I got the following shot....and who needed binoculars! I now could just zoom in with the camera like a good little stalker :)

super zoom found!

so for the game itself: well, weather was great! I really could not have asked for much better to be honest....it wasn't too hot and once the sun set it really felt awesome....slight breeze....next to no humidity....which for anyone in the South that is a rare moment at this time of year....the offense/defense goes back and forth....and I'm definitely the only one in my section cheering when the Giants score....hehehehe....sorry! I didn't come to see your precious Braves....matter of fact, fuck yo Braves! ok actually, I take that back....I typically reserve that foulness for the yankees ;)

I did get one shot that I really liked of Bumgarner in mid-pitch....I like him....he's from Hickory, NC....yea mountain boy!

nice action shot

so now, after a solo shot from Cody Ross (I think...he hit one the next night so I may be mixing it up), Giants are up 4-2....and it's the bottom of the 9th...being the good stalker, er fan, that I am I had already been monitoring the bullpen...I had seen Affeldt warming up previously but Lopez came in in the 8th....I wasn't sure who may come in for the 9th b/c I thought it was slightly odd that Wilson had not been used for the previous game but I zoomed in and what do I see? him getting up and taking off his sweatshirt....oh shit! he's warming up! and yes, I documented that....I got him warming up, coming out, and of course, him pitching....

total heaven for me

now....I'm not sure if I can properly type out exactly what happened in the game....I may have to come back and edit it in but I watch as he loads the bases, gets two outs, and then get to that dreaded 3-2-2 count....when he got to that I don't know....I just knew....something didn't seem right with his pitching, even with his tortuous style....and sure enough, I heard the crack of that bat and I didn't even look up....I knew....I look down, curse under my breath, and look up at the scoreboard and see 4-3 (since one run had already scored) turn into 4-4 and then 4-5....game over....

now this is the part where I proceed to lose it....like absolutely, lose my shit....I literally looked up at my friends and yell, we're out of here! and I just storm off up the steps....I came so close to kicking trash cans as I left....VERY close to throwing my phone b/c it just happened to be the object I was holding....I was HOT! I had seen him do this only twice before this season and my reaction was very similar....but this was different....I saw it in person.....fuck me running what was turning into a perfect night was just totally destroyed in one simple swing of a bat....my friends? totally laughing at me-as they should have been! I, um, tend to get wrapped up in my teams....ask anyone who has ever seen me witness a meltdown by the Tar Heels, the Panthers, or in one uncharacteristic game, my App St Mountaineers.....

so after I calmed down and the adrenaline left, I realized my blood sugar was totally gone-opps :D so I get some greek yogurt, eat it, and go to bed....I had to do nothing but laugh at myself for my reaction but what really made me "calm down" was a text from my mom...she said that all during the game they were questioning whether he would even be brought in, whether he'd be taken out once he started struggling, etc....she didn't tell me b/c she didn't want me to be upset about probably not seeing him....awwwwww! my mom is so sweet :) but reading about the back issues and then the elbow inflammation I thought, that actually explains what I saw...his pitching was not what he's normally throwing....he was not the saves leader going into that game on accident....the boy has skill! and guess what? he wasn't there the rest of the series due to being looked at by the doctor in FL....so while the ending was not perfect, it did unfold just right for me to see him in person...which was exactly what I wanted....

oh but there was one perfect ending.......so to speak:

the money shot!

where do you come from?

2011-07-28T14:10:00.000-04:00

"When you are tempted to get discouraged, remind yourself that according to God’s word, your future is getting brighter; you are on your way to a new level of glory. You may think you’ve got a long way to go, but you need to look back at how far you’ve already come. You may not be everything you want to be but at least you can thank God that you’re not what you used to be." - Joel Osteen

now as you all know from previous posts, I am very quick to criticize myself for past problems....I constantly kick myself for repeating mistakes, I constantly expect and strive for perfection, and I constantly fail....

gee, imagine that

but when I saw the above quote as posted by Kayde Puckett on her facebook page it did make me stop for a second and take some personal inventory....some of what I'll go over is a repeat from previous blog posts but eh, I know a lot of people only read the new stuff so let's recap like any good soap opera ;)

where did I used to be? well:

chunky child constantly teased
chunkier pre-teen constantly teased to the point that middle school is a total blackout in my mind
fat teen who ballooned upwards of 200lbs at a whoping 5'2"...not teased too much but def was not asked out of even given a 2nd glance
college: lost weight, still chunky but not as bad as before, fell in love with working out but didn't truly understand this whole nutrition thing; first encounters with bulimia
transferred, still working out, still not sure of this nutrition thing, discover fat burners (omg good times!), still battling the bulimia, but rediscovering this love of the look of muscle on women-not like that you pervs ;)
move back to the hometown (ugh), discover bodybuilding forums, meet the worst mistake of my life who in turn introduces me to one of the few highlights of my adult life
2008- lose my shit mentally and almost lose my mom
2009- blur of bulimia, alcohol, mistake after mistake, various substance abuses
2010- same as 09, then an unwanted contact from that greatest mistake BUT silverlining was going back to school over the summer
2011- trying a different approach-stopped drinking, no smoking; still have the eating/body issue; still battling some hormonally related issues (which is difficult with no insurance); tried and am in love with yoga; am finally figuring out there is WAY more to life than being at outback for fucking ever

where have you been? my journey is clearly not over, still ongoing, and will be until I draw my last breath....I'm not perfect nor can I be...this is something I still have difficulty dealing with....but it's getting better....

Fear The Pigtails

2011-07-17T11:35:00.001-04:00

THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is my new twitter hashtag....make it trend....

ok so that will never trend but hey, you gotta admit, it's catchy! hahaha....what was just a casual conversation with my friend and former Outbacker Antwan turned into a funny moment....see? Brian Wilson is everywhere! he may have the beard but I have the pigtails....

but he does trump me on that spandex tux....still haven't found a shot of that from the back....

and was I the only one who looked past the tux and noticed something else? no, not into his heart and soul or any other sappy bullshit....but rather past it and went, he has no date! I like this.........

ok yeah, must have been just me ;)

now onto things NOT Brian Wilson (wait, there's more?) ah yes....CM PUNK....this ppv tonight is the first time in a long time that I was actually excited about something in WWE....I was pretty amped for HBK/Taker, pt 1, at WM 25, but this trumps even that....and I hope to watch this match and come out as satisfied and exhausted as I did after that match....the fan in me is expecting the most kickass match ever (at least from the Punk perspective)....the realistic fan in me goes, yeah they're going to drop the ball on this....the radio interview David Lagana gave to ESPNRADIO Chicago yesterday was a good one and the sportscaster (Jon Hood) brought up a great point: Chicago could riot if this isn't handled properly....well, WWE is always notorious for getting into the news for all the wrong reasons sooooooo.....

as for me, well, I continue to roll along....top down if I can ;) this past week was a bad one for me but yesterday I woke up and it was like someone had flipped the switch back....don't know why nor do I care...I'm sure it's another act of my forever changing brain chemistry....but the motivation is back....and it's coming from within, not from something artificial....

although there is an interesting outside influence.....

hemp protein, where have you been all my life????

2011-05-04T00:42:00.002-04:00

my newfound love: hemp protein

first, why hemp protein? easy: it's a more bang for your buck protein! here's some info on it (courtesy of nutiva.com):

The hemp seed is the richest known source of polyunsaturated fats, containing a perfect 3:1 ratio of Omega-6 linolenic Acid and Omega-3 linolenic acid. In fact, the hemp seed balance of Omega 3 to 6 fats is the perfect proportions for human dietary needs, making hemp an ideal addition to a healthy diet and lifestyle.
The hemp seed is one of the best sources of nutritious plant protein. Hemp is also loaded with all 20 amino acids (including the 9 essential). Plant protein, such as hemp, is vital for vegans and vegetarians, and is also preferred by many world class athletes for its dense nutrition. The protein found in hemp hearts is very digestible, with no known allergies, which makes it an excellent choice for sensitive diets.
Hemp also contains phytonutrients, which may boost immunity, purify the skin, and strengthen connective tissue. Hemp seeds may help with the reduction of cholesterol and blood pressure, reduce inflammation, increase healing time, improve circulation, and boost overall immune function and performance.

I personally use Nutiva's brand of hemp protein powder (found it at Whole Foods). This stuff is so yummy! I was really taken aback by its nutty flavor. I will add it to my regular protein shake to supplement it with more nutritional value. I have not tried any recipes that call for hemp seeds or hemp oil just yet but I'll be sure to blog about it when I do! Hemp is also used to make milk and ice cream for those that are lactose intolerant.

My current favorite hemp protein mixture is simply half a serving of hemp protein (check labels on whatever brand you get), one scoop of Optimum Nutrition's Natural Whey in chocolate, a little bit of banana sf/ff pudding mix, and 1/2c unswt chocolate almond milk. Blend with ice and YUM!

and for more yummy recipes I highly recommend you try: http://nutiva.com/the-nutiva-kitchen/hemp-recipes/

my favorite #38 article yet....

2011-04-29T15:42:00.000-04:00

I do love this article about my current inspiration, obsession, future hubby & he don't know it Brian Wilson ;) it's not just an article about the guy that is known for the beard, the antics, the craziness....it actually gives a glimpse into who he is....but there's also a larger message of this: DO YOUR THING & MAKE NO APOLOGIES! for this I have to thank Elizabeth Merrill of espn.com....he's more than a pretty face to me you know :)

Brian Wilson Article

let me repeat that one statement in caps for anyone who missed it:

DO YOUR THING & MAKE NO APOLOGIES!

did you get it that time?

a few easy smoothie recipes

2011-04-28T14:16:00.000-04:00

so I recently purchased a Hamilton Beach individual blender (only $15 at WalMart!)....I really enjoy it and it does actually crush up ice like a pro! major plus since my larger blender was never too good at it....so I was talking to a coworker last night (babygirl!) and I told her I'd post up some of my favorite recipes since she likes to make them and take them to class....these are way easy and can easily be manipulated for your needs and/or tastes....I did not do macro breakdowns for these but I don't think it'd be too difficult to look at the labels and see what you're getting....these are all low in sugar and high in protein....

Mocha Protein: now this one has a couple of versions-play around and see which you like best

#1-
1 greek yogurt (plain)
1 indv packet of instant coffee
~1/4c unswt choc almond milk (I use Blue Diamond)
2 packets Stevia in the raw
ice to desired thickness

#2-
1/2c coffee of choice (I used some Bean Traders southern pecan roast-yum!)
2 packets stevia
1 scoop choc protein (I'm using Optimum Nutrition's Natural Whey)
~1/4c unswt choc almond milk
ice to desired thickness

Berry Smoothies:

I have not played around with fresh fruit yet, only frozen-so far I've worked with raspberries & blueberries-again, there's variations and just play around and see what you like!

blueberry:
~1/2c blueberries
1 greek yogurt (plain)
1/4 packet of white choc ff/sf pudding mix
1oz walnuts

blueberry #2:
~1/2c blueberries
1/2c unswt vanilla almond milk
1/2 serving of hemp protein powder (I'm using Nutiva)
2 packets stevia
ice to desired thickness

for the raspberry just sub in for the blueberry for the above recipes....I love the hemp protein added into the one recipe b/c it gives it a nutty flavor without sacrificing any added calories (if they're not needed at that meal)....and hemp protein is gluten and soy free! woohoo!

you can also sub in cottage cheese for the greek yogurt....I also recommend trying vanilla or honey flavored greek yogurt in place of the plain just be sure to check the labels since some companies add in too much sugar in those flavors....I have had good luck with Kroger's brand of greek yogurt and they're usually only $0.89-$0.99 a cup!

signs, signs, everywhere are signs....

2011-04-26T00:05:00.000-04:00

another among many.....more to be written later:

April 25, 2011

Capricorn (12/22-1/19)
In the mood for an overhaul? The universe is putting out a lot of transitional energy today, and there will be many possibilities for you to change your style or attitude. A shopping trip may be in order -- hit the mall with one of your most fashion-forward friends, and see what new looks you feel like adopting. If slogging through the crowds in search of the perfect outfit isn't your idea of a fun time, then flipping through a fashion magazine may help you uncover a whole new you.

I am only human....

2011-04-13T15:15:00.000-04:00

A concept I do not handle with the greatest of ease....I expect more from myself than anyone rightfully should...I'm a perfectionist who is never satisfied....and yet, time and again, I wind up failing b/c of this....and what do I do? go right back to the same mindset of old....rinse, lather, repeat...

so how does one break a trend such as this? I have been asking myself this question over and over my entire life...especially since I started college....this pattern is not just a physique issue....it's evident in my schoolwork....and one of the reasons why I'm STILL at it after all this time....

so last night I messed up....and once again I find myself trying to figure out where I went wrong and why it went that way....I don't quite get the cycle of self sabotage that I put myself through b/c all it does is make myself miserable....and usually I eventually wind up in a deep funk for which it feels like there is no end....now while I'm not in that place right now I know it could end up that way if I don't find a way to cut myself a break and just soldier forward....

one thing I will do is learn from this and aim to not repeat it....the more rigid my routine the better so I need to find that something to keep me focused....and my yoga! it definitely keeps me feeling centered....and anything that keeps me grounded is a win in my book!

it's never easy to come clean about things like this....but like I've said before, if it helps even just one person on their journey in life then I know it was all worth it....

My interview with Jason

2011-04-13T14:04:00.000-04:00

I have to send a HUGE thank you to Jason for interviewing me for his blog....always great for some kick me in the butt inspiration!

http://promotingwomen.blogspot.com/2011/04/sharon-garrett-interview.html?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter

hot yoga, pt2, and other randoms

2011-04-11T11:31:00.000-04:00

so today I attended the Topaz class....here's the description:

Topaz

Arrichion Hot Yoga Core Foundational Series

32 poses

Class duration: 60 minutes

Room temperature: 102 F

Beginner to advanced students

Topaz means fire or heat in Sanskrit. In Greek, the name topaz is derived from the word topazos which means to seek. In addition, the stone was recognized by the Greeks as the stone of strength. Another symbolic meaning of topaz is that it represents hope and the healing energies associated with expansiveness, rejuvenation, dispelling anger, and balancing emotions. The cultural and mythical meanings associated with this gemstone provide the basis for naming the core Arrichion Hot Yoga class Topaz.

The 32 postures included in this series will help you to stretch and warm muscles and ligaments; improve balance, and increase strength and flexibility.

this was a great class! not nearly as intense as the first one I took which was great b/c I was able to really get in there and stretch through the posing....this is a great class for any beginner looking to try it out b/c of the emphasis on the basics....once class was over I stopped briefly to pick up a paper copy of the schedule to keep on me and the instructor complimented me on my practice and actually went so far as to call it beautiful....WOW! I was so humbled to hear that! she was shocked that this was only my second class but as we kept talking and she mentioned my flow I said, must be a dance throwback :) one thing about this class that I truly loved was that it was small enough that she was able to go around and do little corrections....she helped me get deeper into one pose and I was thinking, yep-there's that tension in my back! I am forever tight in my upper back and her pressing me deeper into the pose made me realize that is still very much an issue I need to continue working on....

I think the thing I am truly enjoying about the yoga practice is that for once I have something to do that involves no thought....I have only experienced "no thought" twice in my life and that was the two times I smoked pot....but since this is not exactly something I do I never get a break from the constant borage of thoughts....but during these classes I can somehow go in there and just shut it all out and concentrate on breathing and stretching and working out all these kinks....I like this a lot :)

now for the RANDOM: I have an always growing list of go-to words that make me smile no matter what....they're words that I could never say and be angry....feel free to add to this list for anyone reading....here's what I have so far:

tater tot

fluff

bunny

shiny

cupcake

marshmellow

I notice a food theme here....

my first hot yoga class experience at Arrichion

2011-04-06T21:46:00.000-04:00

so tonight I decided to take on the world of hot yoga....I've been wanting to for some time now but work schedule and then some weather issues were hampering my attempts but tonight FINALLY all the stars seems to align....oh and it helped that I actually remembered the day before as opposed to 3am ;)

below is the description of the class I took:

Krystallos

Arrichion Hot Yoga Core Strengthening Series

Class duration: 60 minutes

Room temperature: 97 F

Beginner to advanced students

The Ancient Greeks believed that Krystallos (crystal) was light frozen into an ice so hard that it could never be thawed. These gemstones have long been used for protection and healing. At Arrichion Hot Yoga, Krystallos will harden your core through a series of core strengthening postures. This series includes techniques that will help you build muscle through resistance to your body weight and of engagement of small muscle groups. This series is a great complement to Topaz for all students.

this is not the hottest class they provide but it's right up there (102 would be the tops)....I'll start by saying my drive over in typical raleigh traffic was highly annoying and, of course, I hit every fucking stoplight along the way....I kid you not! EVERY ONE! hahahaha....I'm thinking, I'm going to need this class to calm me down! I finally get there to meet up with my fellow Outbacker Varia....I get all registered and in we go...

immediately the obvious hits you: IT'S HOT! but it was a kind of hot that for a while you thought, wow, this feels good! kind of like when you lay in a tanning bed and get all relaxed even though you're sweating like a mutha...the class begins and it's a good mix of new and usuals....I really enjoyed the fact that no one watches each other, everyone keeps to their own moves and breathing, and if you need to stop, well, then you stop....and trust me when I say I was not alone when I had to take a few moments to gather myself....

this class was a core intensive class and I realized very quickly just how often I DON'T do crunches....I don't typically work abs exclusively b/c I'm always quick to use my core for all my moves plus I like to do hanging leg raises on my pullup bar in my apt....but even with that um, yeah, hi abs! how YOU doin'? they're pretty fatigued right now as I type this but it's a good thing, trust me :)

some of the core work involved leg and glute work....some of it reminiscent of my dancing days at App when we would do leg swings while laying on the floor to warm up our hips....I was very surprised at how well I did on the work where we were on our tummies and would arch up, lift one leg higher with the opposite arm outstretched, reverse, repeat, etc....my guess is that all those deadlifts did their job :) as I sit here right now I can feel my glutes and hammies like I had done a leg day....now I know why yogis have great butts!

I did make sure to keep well hydrated during the day and this was definitely a good idea...I think next time I go I'll opt for a light but longsleeve shirt....I am not a huge fan of sweat dripping off my arms while I workout and would much rather sweat up a shirt....oh and definitely a large towel! I just took a personal towel and um, yeah, a larger towel the size of your mat is a must so you're not slipping and sliding all over the mat....

as for the actual work, I was really worried about halfway through b/c my heart started beating like a hummingbird....thought I might be sick a few times....as I was on the mat controlling my breathing I went, oh, note to self: no caffeine within an hour of this class! also note to self: don't set up in the corner....I just got where there was room and it was nice little nook in the back with a tapestry hanging up above me that I focused on quite a few times but being in the corner meant all that heat would almost feel like it was trapped back there....

I think once I get adjusted to the heat I could actually do the class without stopping....it is without a doubt a very unique experience....I would recommend anyone try this....I cannot speak for other studios but when they list this class as suitable for all levels they do mean it...I never once felt I was in a class that was above my skill set (which I think speaks well of the instructor)....

so if you're in the Raleigh or Charlotte area (there's a studio there, too) I highly recommend you check it out!

who knew.....

2011-04-04T13:51:00.002-04:00

a random Yahoo daily horoscope could put everything into perspective for today:

April 04, 2011

Capricorn (12/22-1/19)
For way too long, the misconception that you have to fit in has been dictating your behavior. Even if you haven't realized it, you've been subtly editing yourself and altering your attitude, thinking that will get you farther. What you may fail to realize is that who you are is defined in part by how you're different from everyone else. Do things your own way today -- you'll meet little, if any, resistance. Strike out and show everyone the real you.

Becoming a brand....

2011-03-30T14:04:00.000-04:00

I've always admired people who are able to take a passion and turn it into a career....and in some cases, a brand....I site examples of Trish Stratus, Matt Hardy, Allison Moyer, Brittany Beede....the last two in particular I admire b/c it's more like what I'd like to do which is to help and encourage others to take on the healthy and fit lifestyle....but how does one get to that point? well, here's a few theories:

1- practice what you preach: anyone who reads my blogs know that I struggle with this one daily....but maybe if I get back into the realm of actually being hands on with clients I'd be able to keep this one fully in focus

2- PR! facebook, twitter, blogs....anything to get your name out there and promote your message....and a website sure doesn't hurt either

3- word of mouth- they tell two friends, and they tell two friends, and so on, and so on (thank you Wayne's World)

opinions? more theories? ADVICE????

recipe du jour....

2011-03-26T16:03:00.000-04:00

very simple but oh so very good! calories are approximate since things can vary....I am using raw baby spinach, raw pepper, and fresh caught salmon from Kroger....

6oz wild caught salmon
3c baby spinach
~1/2c raw green pepper slices
1tbsp dulse flakes
2tbsp Annie's Naturals Lite Honey Mustard

cals: 328
fat: 11g
carbs: 8g
pro: 47g

this can be tailored to your needs (like if you need less protein per meal just scale back on the salmon) but these numbers are pretty dang good! and only 3g of the 8g of carbs comes from sugar....not too shabby!

now I can see you now, reading this and going, wtf are dulse flakes! hahaha well never fear! here's your explanation:

dulse flakes are basically ground up sea vegetables (algae)....now while that may not sound appealing on the surface it actually it an easy way to spruce up a salad or some soup....they add a salty taste to anything you add them to....which can be a great benefit if you're trying to reduce your salt intake....dulse flakes are high in iodine which is excellent for natural support of the thyroid....you'll also find iron and vitB6....I can barely taste them when I add them into a salad....it's an easy way to increase your nutritional bang for your buck so why not!

facebook note

2011-03-16T08:16:00.000-04:00

I decided to copy and paste this to here for anyone who does not use FB or who missed it on my page....and if anyone has a membership for the one site or knows someone who does PLEASE let me know! I would LOVE to see the video and pics of me....for free! I mean, I did provide myself for them....seems fair to me!

Randomness featuring your's truly :)

by Sharon Garrett on Wednesday, March 16, 2011 at 6:53am

ok so on a recent google search of myself (oh don't act like you've never done it) I found myself all over the place....not that I'm entirely shocked b/c I did do quite a bit in 2007 when I competed nationally. But I guess I was taken aback a little at some of the pics I had never seen (like stills from video I've yet to see of Jr Natls-and can't see b/c I don't have a membership!) and in languages other than English. Apparently the 'nator booty is universal ;) So here's some links to randomness I've found:

http://muscularwomensdressed.blogspot.com/2010/10/sharon-garrett.html

http://usamusclewomen.com/person/detail.asp?CompetitorID=5678

^^ anyone have a membership????? ^^

http://lesfemmesdemesreves.blogspot.com/2011/02/sharon-garrett_27.html

^ this is the french one I referred to in one of my pic comments-oh big, fat LOL

random stuff and birthday wishes....

2011-03-16T05:46:00.000-04:00

first the bday wishes....

1- BRIAN WILSON!!!!! omg y'all, he's only 29....so delicious :) (March 16th)

2- BRET MICHAELS!!!! my original "bad boy" crush from back in the day....I still rock out to all of Poison's cd's :) (March 17th)

3- DAD!!!! yep, chalk up another for half of the reason I'm here....so that either means y'all reading this curse him or thank him ;) I'm hoping weather will hold up and we'll take a day trip to the mountains (March 18th)

and we have St Patrick's Day on the 17th....which means you will see me in this:

well dang y'all....

2011-03-09T13:59:00.001-05:00

I didn't realize it had been almost two months with no post! my bad :D hahahaha....I haven't had too much to write on just yet....let's see:

still obsessed with Brian Wilson
still obsessed with CM Punk
still working
found a lifting partner!
still going back to school this summer

yeah that pretty much sums it up for now....I'll report back on workouts and such....plans are underway for new training and diet very soon courtesy of someone I've wanted to work with for a while....we'll see how that goes!

and while you work on yourself...

2011-01-11T19:11:00.000-05:00

don't forget to work for others! I'm already working on getting all my clothes I don't wear (many of which still have tags on them!) out of my closet and into the hands of someone who needs them more....just cleaned out the pantry and bought some extras for a coworker's canned food drive....and now I've stumbled upon this organization thanks to the blog http://bakeanddestroy.net/ (twitter profile: http://twitter.com/#!/bakeanddestroy ) called Grind For Life....here's the link: http://www.grindforlife.org/indexnew.asp?category=7

so I urge anyone who reads this to go donate to them or to a local organization or donate your time to a local shelter....pay it forward forever and always!

well, let's try something different....

2011-01-11T17:16:00.001-05:00

now those that know me know that I love me some keto dieting :) it helps to keep my up and down blood sugar even and I don't feel like a crackhead wanting my crack (aka CARBS!)....but I remembered some diets from back in the day that were netting me some good results and I thought hey, why not break them out again? here's a sample for anyone else who wants to give one a whirl:

MEAL ONE: Eat 1 serving of cream of rice with 18 blue berries or 12 raspberries added, with a Tbsp of glutamine and a dose of b complex and viatamin C

MEAL TWO: Eat 3 oz of chicken with 1/2 cup black beans and 2 Tbsp of salsa

SNACK: Drink a 30 gram low carb low fat shake with 1 Tbsp of wheat germ added to it and take 1500 mcgs of B-12 and 1/2 dose of thermos

TRAIN: do a 2.5 mile balls out run three days a week after arms, shoulders, chest. Bike after back 40 minutes

MEAL TWO: Eat 2 oz of chicken, 2 oz of flank steak and a small salad with additional green and yellow veggies on it. Only on the days you lift add a 5 oz yam to this meal with a dose of B-complex and glutamine plus 1000 mgs of vitamin C

MEAL THREE: Eat 3 oz of tuna with 10 almonds and take a Tbsp of glutamine and 1500 mcgs of B-12 and another thermo

SECOND CARDIO: On three days do an additional 40 minutes of cardio here. Bootcamp style workout on the weekend

MEAL FOUR: Eat 4 oz of all white meat low sodium turkey with 3/4 cup of diced green, yellow or red veggies of your choice.

MEAL FIVE: Drink a 30 gram low carb, low fat shake

SNACK: eat a sugar free jell-o, pocicle or pudding

meal two is the BEST! I always looked forward to it when I did this one :)

WELCOME 2011!!!!

2011-01-01T19:30:00.000-05:00

happy new year y'all :)

so in the spirit of resolutions, here is my official list for 2011 to be completed by 12/31/11 at 11:59pm:

finish school
take classes at Aradia and Arrichion
complete my trainer certification
start my website
let go of personal inhibitions
weekly yoga of some form (be it classes or at home)
get my Wii, dvr,dvd/vcr combo all plugged up with the tv....and working!
take care of a financial issue haunting me since 07....it's a mess!
get a damn haircut! ok maybe just a trim....but a definite color change!
get my cross tattoo at GCI
add a new piercing.....or ten....whatev ;)
new photoshoots!
TRAVEL! preferably to SanFran for a Giants game (or hell, maybe ATL-it is way closer!) or AZ for the All Star Game
make a minimum of two donations to a charity

I do have a play it by ear list as well....I say play it by ear b/c money will really be a determining factor on most of this:

get wrestling training-this was originally a must but that financial matter may push this one aside-we shall see
get a second job! hahaha-I mean hey, let's try to make this all work, ok?
go back to school-well, gotta finish degree #1 first!
complete a 5k-still looking at one in April-it has an obstacle course :)
get a couch-I know, right!
do something custom to my car-what I have no idea

I may come back and add to this but I think this is pretty much it....some of them I can probably cross off this month....others will take time....but nothing worth having isn't worth working for so it will only make it sweeter :)

it's like a new lease on life....

2010-12-29T15:27:00.000-05:00

I do not know why exactly but I woke up today with a new resolve....a new outlook....and like someone had breathed new life into me while I was dreaming....some of it may come from surviving what can only be described as the most humbling and ass kicking shift I have ever experienced in my eight total years with Outback....apparently mob rule is the dealio when it snows and we're literally running with 6 servers, one hostess, one busser, one bartender, one take away, and me....who was the one take away but then turned into one of everything while the guy who was expoing became the one take away....I cannot even describe what all happened...hahahahaha....fuck me running it was horrible! but thank god we had the servers we did b/c they all just simply rocked!

but enough of that! a week ago today was my bday and I'm not exactly where I thought I'd be...physically anyways....I knew I'd be pretty much in the same spot financially and job wise as I try to wrap up school....but physically? wow....I really did not see me reaching this level of escaping on my part....I literally turned into a depressed blob! now for those who read this who have seen before pics whenever I've prepped, well, that's about where I am....but I think it feels so much worse this time b/c I spent so much of this year prepping and staying smaller longer....but prepping will no longer be my thing....I've just grown past it and want no part of it anymore....I've left boards, I've distanced myself from anything npc/ifbb....I just don't want to see it....what I do want to see is me getting my shit back together one step at a time and keeping it that way....I still hope to enlist professional help to make the transition stick but that will take time as I get insurance straight some time after the new year....which is only two days away! woohoo!

I am increasingly trying to get myself out there in the public view and as I do so I know that I must be a role model....I am absolutely brilliant at being able to preach it but not follow it....so I am humbly sucking up my pride and realizing I have the tools, I have the knowledge, now I have to have the courage to welcome the PERMANENT changes and the attention that comes with it....it is what I've always wanted after all, right?

Inspiration comes from strange places....

2010-12-16T23:13:00.000-05:00

Seems odd, right? Maybe it is, but who cares?

You know, yesterday I'm at work bored b/c people have stopped coming in to buy gift cards, and so I check my email and I see an email alert for a friend request from my ex....those that have known me a hot minute know this is the one thing that will set me off faster than anything...I was LIVID...but later it took me back to a place I didn't want to be....not that place of immense hurt and pain but rather that place of intense hatred and anger...I woke up this morning and was focused and ready to knock out my two essays I had researched on but the whole day something just didn't feel right....and I realize it's that one black spot I thought I had rid myself of....maybe this fucking jackass motherfucker contacting me for the first time in almost three years was god's way of waking me up....I thought I had addressed it but rather I had suppressed it....let's add that to the list of 2011 resolutions....

so let's get back to this focus and drive thing I had going last week....

I am meant to be different....I am not like everyone else....

and this is not a bad thing....

Insert witty title here:

2010-12-07T13:52:00.000-05:00

I had one and I forgot it....hahahaha....hello ADD! if it comes to me I'll be sure to jot it down this time!

hmmmm, is it possible for me to save $20 a day for a year on a waitress's salary? I will find out....

well we are approaching a new year....and I hear so many people say that they don't make resolutions but I do....I don't like it when people just willy-nilly make them....I prefer to make doable ones and I consider them a promise to myself....here's some potential resolutions for 2011:

travel to SF to see a Giants game....preferably on opening day but if not then no biggie, so long as I make it! (helllooooo Wilson!)
train for wrestling....for realz this time!
hair overhaul!
save $7000....those in the know know what I want!
FINISH SCHOOL!
nix cable and PF membership....this one will no doubt happen
visit a friend out of the country....I actually have two options here but costs will be big so this one may have to wait
make a website
find work in boone? man I want to be back up there....

quite a list to choose from....and I'm sure I'll pick more than one....I'm totally open to suggestions for others :)

now as for me....

2010-11-28T02:50:00.001-05:00

The reason for my long absence was a terrible trip back to the land of the depressed. I don't know if I can properly put into words what all I went through and what all I felt like I did with capturing my thoughts and feelings while binging but I can try....it was not a great moment to say the least...

For those not in the know, I will tell something I used to fully keep to myself. When I was 12 I began to have these terrible bouts with depression made worse by being chubby and constantly picked on. Well approx two months after my 13th bday I had had enough and took a heaping handful of tylenol and went to sleep thinking I would not get back up. I was wrong b/c a girl who was a friend at the time called up a couple of hours later and told my parents. By this point I was awake and throwing up like a mofo....I didn't know my body would reject that many pills....opps....anyway, I spent a week in the hospital to make sure everything had cleared my system and to make sure I was stable enough mentally. How funny is it that my doc was the same man who treated my uncle coming up. He embodied the, it takes one to know one, saying to the fullest. I saw him off and on from 13 to somewhere in my early 20s. He retired and I've yet to find a doctor to replace him.

Now when things are kept stable in my life I seem to stay ok and have managed to stay off of meds for most of my documented history. As I get older I notice the issues getting worse and can pinpoint more manic episodes (granted we're still looking at like maybe two a year). And while the depressive episodes don't seem to increase in number they do increase in severity. And this year I found myself, for the first time in a very long time, considering ending everything. Why not? Sure, my family would miss me. A few close friends would, too. But can anyone actually make all of this end? The constant berating myself, the constant dark thoughts, the never feeling like I matter in any way, shape, or form. Not wanting to go out in public b/c I feel so ashamed to feel like this.

But then it's like it all disappears. I don't necessarily get giddy or anything but I feel like I can make some sort of headway toward normalcy. I clearly need to get some counseling going again and maybe meds. We'll see. Once insurance is available that will be much easier to accomplish! But for anyone wondering why I bailed on my shows this year, this is one reason why. I just could not keep it together and was suffering almost near panic attacks about getting fat post-show. That is not healthy! hahahahaha, not by a long shot!

So what's my gameplan? Well for one thing, distance myself from some people who have proven to be toxic to me (see previous blog for a hint on that one). I am also refusing to budge when it comes to my training and diet. Nope, not one bit. I budge, I cave, I collapse. Can't do it anymore! I have to be selfish for once in hopes of making myself be what I know I am capable of. And if anyone reading this thinks that's bitchy well, kiss my fat, pale ass :D I know what has worked for me in the past and it's time I do it FOR MYSELF once again.

Until next time my divalicious followers! :)

just be a good person.....

2010-11-28T01:58:00.000-05:00

Is it really THAT difficult to lead life with a good heart? With a good conscious? No, seriously....I may not be of the religious nature but I do believe in doing right by my fellow man (or woman for you PC folk)....Karma is going to get you like a MOFO! I hope the one moment of pleasure was worth losing a friendship....one that was supposedly of high value....to sit back and see this done is just astounding....

and for anyone that's known me a while, no, that wasn't about my ex! HAHAHAHAHA....same principle but no, not having an unpleasant flashback! ;)

Article on a new anorexia & teens study

2010-10-19T13:37:00.000-04:00

posted by Jillian Michaels (I love her!) on her twitter account:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/19/health/research/19anorexia.html?_r=1

a feeling of accomplishment....

2010-10-12T02:45:00.000-04:00

who knew just simply training b/c I could would feel so good?

I still feel a great sense of shame that I don't look like I did a few shorts weeks ago. I still have an almost paranoid feeling that others are staring or whispering about me behind my back like, hey, wasn't she just skinny and now she's a fatass? and I'm sure there's a couple out there just b/c I know some people like that...but I also recognize it's mostly in my head....like everything else...

how bad was it? I successfully did not look in the mirror at myself (minus putting on makeup) for more than a week...and of course, the makeup application was fully clothed...I remember back in '98 I was so distraught at the thought of looking at myself in the mirror for my dance class that I had to take an incomplete b/c I couldn't go....I was fortunate in that my teacher understood since she came from a ballet background....she certainly got it when it came to someone have a warped view of themselves....but that is the last time I recall avoiding mirrors like that...

I'm still very much working through these feelings as I slowly get it all back in line...I'm at work feeling ashamed and embarrassed and I simply cannot wait to untuck my shirt and hide behind that shapeless piece of fabric...but right now I'm trying very hard to not focus on those feelings and rather keep my thoughts to things ahead of me like continuing to eat healthy, eat smart, workout every day, and turn my thoughts to something besides food and anxiety...I know I can do this...eventually...

operation lean diva: one step at a time....

2010-10-09T17:13:00.000-04:00

I hesitate using words like "skinny" b/c I don't want anyone to think I'm trying to work the hard earned muscle off so I figured "lean" was more apt....and I HATE the word tone...that should only apply to the soap....

so yesterday I figured out one reason why I was extra fluffy and hyper-emotional the whole previous week....good thing I did drop my shows b/c "it" arrived right on schedule....the ladies know what I mean! as a result I've been dropping all that water weight that comes with it which is great b/c I don't feel so rotund but at the same time it's annoying b/c I feel like I'm in the bathroom more than anywhere else! but it's temporary so eh, whatev...

yesterday was not the cleanest of eating but it wasn't terrible either....I had butter popcorn....a large bowl of it...hahahaha....the meals leading up to it were very clean so it wasn't THAT bad....the day before, however, was a total success! and I was very proud of myself and felt very good...and so far today it's been a total repeat...I also went out and did a 3mi walk...that's not that far for me but I had to play along with what mother nature has dealt me so I figured I'd do something else later to go along with it...with all the college football I'm thinking I'll just hop on my bike and pedal away...

so two days in a row and working on a third as being binge and/or purge free....baby steps...

woohoo!

2010-10-07T15:05:00.001-04:00

Thanks to my girl LeighAnn I was able to get a four pack deal on yoga/spin classes at Sync in Durham....step one towards my goals complete! :)

and the pendulum swings the other way...

2010-10-06T15:50:00.000-04:00

so after a not so good night (er, morning since it was 3am) I finally went to bed and woke up with the exact opposite of the past few weeks....instead of wanting to binge (and sometimes purge) myself on food and working out I want nothing to do with food....no appetite....no yearning for it....I look at it and almost want to cry....or start a food fight with the wall and toss it across the room....why is it so incredibly difficult for me to just look at food as fuel to go and do my workouts with? I simply do not understand it...nor am I patient with this at all....I am beyond disgusted and agitated with myself and my attitude....wtf does it take people?????

I stand before you, a humbled diva....

2010-10-05T23:13:00.000-04:00

wow...the comments being left here and on the RX forums are truly humbling....I always felt like this was a personal struggle I was alone in...maybe part of that was b/c I thought no one would understand....or no one would truly back me...I guess that only child mentality rules, huh?

so I'm already trying something new with food...the vegetarian experiment is fun so far....now let's examine working out...

whenever I've gained weight (be it a lot or just 5lbs) I almost feel ashamed to go to the gym....like they expect me to be buff always and if I'm not then they'll talk about me....um, yeah, hi, paranoid much? although one plus is that I've noticed the gyms around here have a lot of turnover on their staff...what's that tell you! ;) anywho, I want to add some new goals and I'm thinking by making it public, much like the emotional struggles, I can hold myself accountable...I need to get back into spinning and yoga....once I get into that groove it's almost like an addiction to keep at it...and now I want to add running....I want to work up to my first 5k...I have no clue as to how long it may take for me to train for that b/c I know my ankles will need to acclimate themselves to it....my poor little ankles suck! but maybe by January? if anyone reading this already knows of one let me know!

in the meantime, check this out....I found it from a retweet (thank you Kendra!)....great article I think everyone can read and learn something from! http://fortheloveofcookies.wordpress.com/2010/10/04/normal-eating/

something has to give....

2010-10-04T00:51:00.000-04:00

or in this case, something has to change....and it has to change now....

when I started this blog I really thought it was a step in the right direction....which it is....but it has not been as immediate as I expected....I don't mean to imply that I thought I'd write an entry and be cured...um, no....but I did think once I got it out I'd start the healing process....but in reality it only ripped open the wound further....and I think the anxiety of being so honest gave me a very vulnerable feeling....a feeling I do not deal with too well....I've alway had this issue of wanting to be "perfect" and seeming above temptation....above things that make others fall...

and I could not be any further from this....

so I was examining that quote from King of the Hill and I thought, ok, let's think about why this resonates so deeply....and it's simple: I've always felt lonely....I was supposed to be a twin (yes, there were supposed to be two of me!) but that did not come to fruition....my mom suffered at least two miscarriages after me so there I was, an only child....I didn't care much but it left me alone a lot....I didn't grow up around kids my age and only saw them at school or at the figure skating rink...fast forward through the hell years of middle school where I was relentlessly teased for being fat and we get to high school....now I was still made fun of for being overweight but not like I was before....I was highly involved in after school activities and athletics but still, I felt alone...in the longrun (on up until this very moment) I've built a pretty successful wall around me with very few knowing the real me....as a result a lot of people will say things to my face that they think I can take...in reality it strikes me to the core...so combine that with a tendency to not always be the most stable in the brain chemistry dept and I tend to fold when no one is looking....

oh but look...........what's always there for me............what never goes away...........what always makes me feel better.....

food....

in a future blog I will discuss the purge side to this....for now I am looking at the binge part....this weekend has been very up and down....but for some reason tonight I had a new sense of duty....an awakening if you will....this is my chance to be a role model....to help others see that this IS something they can battle through and manage successfully....I want it b/c it's time I realize I'm worth treating myself with pride and respect....my body is starting to show the wear and tear of the abuse....this needs to stop and it needs to stop now...

at least if you're feeling full you're feeling something....

2010-10-01T22:36:00.000-04:00

who knew Bill Dautrieve of King of the Hill could be so profound....

more on this later...

come for the vanity, stay for the sanity....

2010-10-01T17:30:00.000-04:00

For two days straight I have stared at this blank blog trying to figure out what I wanted to type...I thought, how difficult could this be? I've been pretty honest and open about this in the past....but then I remember I've been open and honest to a small community of e-friends (and a few real life ones) and now I'm about to "go live" with it....

but then I remember why I'm doing this....it's twofold actually....the first being, I want to help others....I may not be a licensed anything but I do understand what happens to a person both physically and mentally when dealing with anything food and body image related....and if my dealings with it can help another person out then I will have accomplished goal #1....goal #2 is to help myself....to keep me in check, to keep me accountable, and to keep me "realistic"....no more making excuses or lying to myself....no more hiding from my issues....it will no doubt require a lot of soul searching and pain but if exposing my issues and bearing my soul for the world to see is what it takes, then that's what needs to be done....

when I wrote in my journal about an experience I had on Wednesday I never thought I'd get the responses I did....most of them were via texts from friends whom all proclaimed what I described was exactly what it felt like and exactly what they've gone through and that it was so refreshing to know they weren't alone....here is the post in its entirety:

but what spurred that post last night was I had been at work and just started to feel almost shaky....and I was starting to get that feeling...that feeling of wanting to binge....and not on anything there....to be honest if I never touched outback food again (minus those damn awesome cinnamon pecans!) I would not shed a tear-this is what happens once you've entered your 7th consecutive year of staring at the food.....anyway, so back to that feeling....I was literally starting to enter a phase of wringing my hands together....I got in the car and I had to start going, drive straight to gold's-drive straight to gold's....I had to speed past kroger b/c I could literally feel my hands wanting to turn the steering wheel towards the parking lot....I got to the gym and I'm thinking, once I start lifting this will all go away....it didn't....I'm lifting back still wanting to drive to the store and buy whatever I could get my hands on and binge like a mad woman.....I finished up back and got on the stepmill and was texting Kristen and my best friend Jackie and god bless them but it just was not helping....I kept stepping and finally went home....I did not stop by the store but I did get home and eat a can of black beans....weird, huh? hahahaha....it's like I just had to do something...

and it's not even like I had restricted myself or was hungry and made that "regular girl" mistake of barely eating and then eating big at the end of the day b/c I'm hungry....I just got what can only be described as a yearning like what a recovering alcoholic or drug addict gets....even with the shakes and sweats....so far today I have not taken in any carbs....it's like I've developed a fear of them....how fucked up is that!

I don't expect everyone to understand or even acknowledge the issues I face....and I do firmly believe anyone going through any kind of eating disorder, regardless of the type, is using it as an outlet for a much larger issue at hand...what that issue may be is for a qualified professional to determine...but in the meantime I hope to help others and myself examine why it is that they do what they do and what they can do to help prevent such behaviors from resurfacing...

to those that don't understand, I, well, understand! hahahaha ;) this is one of those issues that most look at and go, oh they're just weak or have no willpower....but like a drug or alcohol addict the reality of its presence is almost overwhelming....the biggest difference here is that we can't abstain eating....food is essential to live....I can go the rest of my life without alcohol....food? not so much....and it's EVERYWHERE! social gatherings, family events, places of work....part of this journey will be to discover what triggers binging/purging/avoiding food and what can be done to them...not always possible but like any recovering addict, avoiding situations with known triggers helps in making the process a much smoother one....

so please join me as I start step one of dealing with this issue head on...I want to feel like a "normal" person....I just want to be happy with who I am....I just want to look in the mirror for once and not see every flaw...I want to think about something other than food and working out...I just want to be.....

post-wrestlemania thoughts:

2010-03-28T23:41:00.001-04:00

wow....I am speechless....and how fitting is it that it's actually silent in the apt complex tonight....raining slightly...

you know a lot of people know I am a huge fan of wrestling....not just of WWE but of wrestling...in its purity it is two opponents facing one another in an athletic ballet of skills, moves, countermoves, and in ring psychology (applied both to the opponent and to the fans in attendance)....what was just shown in that last match is how wrestling should be....two men who worked their way to the top in one epic match after another...both stopping along the way to help make future stars to ensure the life of this art form continued....and tonight we saw one legendary man help end a legendary career of another....much in the same fashion of Flair two wrestlemania's ago...and like that match, we have all just witnessed a little piece of history disappear....

I've watched HBK since I was 11....I was a diehard Rockers fan....I was literally in tears when he kicked Marty through that barbershop window! but what I saw next was amazing....I watched a still young man blossom and grow into one of the best showmen I'd ever witnessed on tv....and as the years went on I was amazed at how every match for him was a good one....sure some were stellar and some just good, but I never found myself walking away from an HBK match going, well that wasn't his best work....there was always a sense of him bringing it to the mat every single time....and what amazed me more was that he got better as the years went on....when he returned and faced HHH at Summer Slam 02 it was like he had never left....and then he continued over the years to look better and better....and somehow make his opponents do the same! how many wrestlers can you look at and say that about?

I am glad he went out on such a grand stage and to such a worthy opponent....these two share so much history b/w the two of them....it will be an emptier WWE without HBK and eventually without Taker, too....so while I know there's not a snowball's chance in hell he'd ever read this I just have to say:

Shawn Michaels, thank you for providing me 21 years of memories