random stuff and birthday wishes....

first the bday wishes....


1- BRIAN WILSON!!!!! omg y'all, he's only 29....so delicious :) (March 16th)


2- BRET MICHAELS!!!! my original "bad boy" crush from back in the day....I still rock out to all of Poison's cd's :) (March 17th)


3- DAD!!!! yep, chalk up another for half of the reason I'm here....so that either means y'all reading this curse him or thank him ;) I'm hoping weather will hold up and we'll take a day trip to the mountains (March 18th)






and we have St Patrick's Day on the 17th....which means you will see me in this:

well dang y'all....

I didn't realize it had been almost two months with no post! my bad :D hahahaha....I haven't had too much to write on just yet....let's see:

• still obsessed with Brian Wilson
• still obsessed with CM Punk
• still working
• found a lifting partner!
• still going back to school this summer

yeah that pretty much sums it up for now....I'll report back on workouts and such....plans are underway for new training and diet very soon courtesy of someone I've wanted to work with for a while....we'll see how that goes!

and while you work on yourself...

don't forget to work for others! I'm already working on getting all my clothes I don't wear (many of which still have tags on them!) out of my closet and into the hands of someone who needs them more....just cleaned out the pantry and bought some extras for a coworker's canned food drive....and now I've stumbled upon this organization thanks to the blog http://bakeanddestroy.net/ (twitter profile: http://twitter.com/#!/bakeanddestroy ) called Grind For Life....here's the link: http://www.grindforlife.org/indexnew.asp?category=7




so I urge anyone who reads this to go donate to them or to a local organization or donate your time to a local shelter....pay it forward forever and always!

well, let's try something different....

now those that know me know that I love me some keto dieting :) it helps to keep my up and down blood sugar even and I don't feel like a crackhead wanting my crack (aka CARBS!)....but I remembered some diets from back in the day that were netting me some good results and I thought hey, why not break them out again? here's a sample for anyone else who wants to give one a whirl:

MEAL ONE:  Eat 1 serving of cream of rice with 18 blue berries or 12 raspberries added,  with  a Tbsp of glutamine and a dose of b complex and viatamin C

MEAL TWO:  Eat 3 oz of chicken with 1/2 cup black beans and 2 Tbsp of salsa

SNACK: Drink a 30 gram low carb low fat shake with  1 Tbsp of wheat germ added to it and take 1500 mcgs of B-12 and 1/2 dose of thermos

TRAIN:  do a 2.5 mile balls out run three days a week after arms, shoulders, chest.  Bike after back 40 minutes

MEAL TWO:  Eat 2 oz of chicken, 2 oz of flank steak and a small salad with additional green and yellow veggies on it.  Only on the days you lift add a 5 oz yam to this meal with a dose of B-complex and glutamine plus 1000 mgs of vitamin C

MEAL THREE:  Eat 3 oz of tuna with 10 almonds and take a Tbsp of glutamine and  1500 mcgs of B-12 and another thermo

SECOND CARDIO: On three days do an additional 40 minutes of cardio here.  Bootcamp style workout on the weekend

MEAL FOUR:  Eat 4 oz of all white meat low sodium turkey with 3/4 cup of diced green, yellow or red veggies of your choice.

MEAL FIVE:  Drink a 30 gram low carb, low fat shake

SNACK:  eat a sugar free jell-o, pocicle or pudding

meal two is the BEST! I always looked forward to it when I did this one :)

WELCOME 2011!!!!

happy new year y'all :)




so in the spirit of resolutions, here is my official list for 2011 to be completed by 12/31/11 at 11:59pm:

• finish school
• take classes at Aradia and Arrichion
• complete my trainer certification
• start my website
• let go of personal inhibitions
• weekly yoga of some form (be it classes or at home)
• get my Wii, dvr,dvd/vcr combo all plugged up with the tv....and working!
• take care of a financial issue haunting me since 07....it's a mess!
• get a damn haircut! ok maybe just a trim....but a definite color change!
• get my cross tattoo at GCI
• add a new piercing.....or ten....whatev ;)
• new photoshoots!
• TRAVEL! preferably to SanFran for a Giants game (or hell, maybe ATL-it is way closer!) or AZ for the All Star Game
• make a minimum of two donations to a charity

I do have a play it by ear list as well....I say play it by ear b/c money will really be a determining factor on most of this:

• get wrestling training-this was originally a must but that financial matter may push this one aside-we shall see
• get a second job! hahaha-I mean hey, let's try to make this all work, ok?
• go back to school-well, gotta finish degree #1 first!
• complete a 5k-still looking at one in April-it has an obstacle course :)
• get a couch-I know, right!
• do something custom to my car-what I have no idea

I may come back and add to this but I think this is pretty much it....some of them I can probably cross off this month....others will take time....but nothing worth having isn't worth working for so it will only make it sweeter :)

it's like a new lease on life....

I do not know why exactly but I woke up today with a new resolve....a new outlook....and like someone had breathed new life into me while I was dreaming....some of it may come from surviving what can only be described as the most humbling and ass kicking shift I have ever experienced in my eight total years with Outback....apparently mob rule is the dealio when it snows and we're literally running with 6 servers, one hostess, one busser, one bartender, one take away, and me....who was the one take away but then turned into one of everything while the guy who was expoing became the one take away....I cannot even describe what all happened...hahahahaha....fuck me running it was horrible! but thank god we had the servers we did b/c they all just simply rocked!






but enough of that! a week ago today was my bday and I'm not exactly where I thought I'd be...physically anyways....I knew I'd be pretty much in the same spot financially and job wise as I try to wrap up school....but physically? wow....I really did not see me reaching this level of escaping on my part....I literally turned into a depressed blob! now for those who read this who have seen before pics whenever I've prepped, well, that's about where I am....but I think it feels so much worse this time b/c I spent so much of this year prepping and staying smaller longer....but prepping will no longer be my thing....I've just grown past it and want no part of it anymore....I've left boards, I've distanced myself from anything npc/ifbb....I just don't want to see it....what I do want to see is me getting my shit back together one step at a time and keeping it that way....I still hope to enlist professional help to make the transition stick but that will take time as I get insurance straight some time after the new year....which is only two days away! woohoo!






I am increasingly trying to get myself out there in the public view and as I do so I know that I must be a role model....I am absolutely brilliant at being able to preach it but not follow it....so I am humbly sucking up my pride and realizing I have the tools, I have the knowledge, now I have to have the courage to welcome the PERMANENT changes and the attention that comes with it....it is what I've always wanted after all, right?

Inspiration comes from strange places....

Seems odd, right? Maybe it is, but who cares? 

You know, yesterday I'm at work bored b/c people have stopped coming in to buy gift cards, and so I check my email and I see an email alert for a friend request from my ex....those that have known me a hot minute know this is the one thing that will set me off faster than anything...I was LIVID...but later it took me back to a place I didn't want to be....not that place of immense hurt and pain but rather that place of intense hatred and anger...I woke up this morning and was focused and ready to knock out my two essays I had researched on but the whole day something just didn't feel right....and I realize it's that one black spot I thought I had rid myself of....maybe this fucking jackass motherfucker contacting me for the first time in almost three years was god's way of waking me up....I thought I had addressed it but rather I had suppressed it....let's add that to the list of 2011 resolutions....

so let's get back to this focus and drive thing I had going last week....

I am meant to be different....I am not like everyone else....

and this is not a bad thing....

Insert witty title here:

I had one and I forgot it....hahahaha....hello ADD! if it comes to me I'll be sure to jot it down this time!

hmmmm, is it possible for me to save $20 a day for a year on a waitress's salary? I will find out....

well we are approaching a new year....and I hear so many people say that they don't make resolutions but I do....I don't like it when people just willy-nilly make them....I prefer to make doable ones and I consider them a promise to myself....here's some potential resolutions for 2011:

• travel to SF to see a Giants game....preferably on opening day but if not then no biggie, so long as I make it! (helllooooo Wilson!)
• train for wrestling....for realz this time!
• hair overhaul!
• save $7000....those in the know know what I want!
• FINISH SCHOOL!
• nix cable and PF membership....this one will no doubt happen
• visit a friend out of the country....I actually have two options here but costs will be big so this one may have to wait
• make a website
• find work in boone? man I want to be back up there....

quite a list to choose from....and I'm sure I'll pick more than one....I'm totally open to suggestions for others :)